Is There a Right Way to Find a Mentor?
Years ago, I took a long walk with a mentor. We did not use the term mentoring to describe our relationship. Nevertheless, he was someone I had observed over the years, respected, and received feedback from at critical points in my life.
I was very busy with youth ministry, but he observed I was only a year away from my bachelor’s degree in biblical studies.
His simple feedback was, “Eric, can you take one solid day a week and work on your studies till you cross this finish line?” In a moment, I realized this was a step I needed to take, and it was a goal I attained a year after that conversation.
What about you? Are you feeling the need for a mentor? Do you have parenting questions? Or you may have questions about what a loving marriage looks like. Maybe you are considering a career change and want an objective individual to listen to your thoughts.
These and more are all areas where a mentor can help.
However, how do you go about such a delicate task? Here are some tips I believe you will find helpful:
1. Stop, drop, and pray. Spend time with the Holy Spirit and let Him know your heart’s desire. When you have done that, ask Him if there is anyone in your life you respect and who has done well in the area you need help. Then, listen to what He says.
2. Then, ask the first person who comes to mind to join you for coffee or lunch, and you pay for it. When you have lunch, ask the person about their life. This is an opportunity to see if this individual is self-disclosing with appropriate vulnerability. If they reveal themselves to you with some vulnerability, that is a good sign.
3. Next, notice if they ask questions about your life. If they continue to talk about themselves and do not seem to have the capacity to get to know you or ask you questions, well, then you’ve had a nice lunch with a good person, but they are probably not someone who will be helpful to you.
4. If they do begin to engage you and specifically ask why you have asked them to lunch, begin to share your thoughts. You do not need to use the word mentor as that may scare them off, but you can certainly share your burden and ask if they have thoughts.
5. Depending on how the above goes, ask if you can meet again. Often, people are anxious about this next step because they think, “This is a busy person. I’m sure they don’t have time for this.” However, I have observed that mature, busy people know what to say no or yes to and often say yes if they can help you.
6. Your job in the relationship is to come prepared for each meeting. If your mentor gives you an assignment (like a book to read, etc.), do the assignment and come back with observations. You will get out of this relationship what you put into it.
7. Clarify your need from the start and come back to this clarification each time you meet.
8. Finally, know when you have received what you need and offer to close this level of relationship, letting the person know you are open to additional feedback when they think of it and possibly to get together as friends occasionally.
I hope these tips are helpful. God made it very clear in His Word that two are better than one (Ecclesiastes 4:9).
Feel free to contact me with any questions.
— Pastor Eric