Wives, You Can Build a Stronger Bond With Your Husband

Cindy Scott   -  


If we are honest, it is common to drift away from our spouses. It’s likely never intentional, but it happens. It’s easy to see what you think should happen. You sense a gap growing between you and your husband, and you think about all the things he should be doing that would bring you closer.

And, likely, they are real things.

“If only he would recognize all that I am doing and make an effort to at least thank me”, you think. Or maybe it’s more like, “I can’t even remember the last time we had a conversation about something more than logistics of who needs to go where, by what time, and how we will juggle our schedules.”

It’s natural when you feel a distance between your husband and yourself to think of what he needs to do to fix it. However, it’s supernatural to instead think about what we can do to invest in our relationship.

This is called the Love & Respect Spiral, and it can go up or down. It looks like this:


When we spiral downward and apart from each other, our human nature comes out, and we do what comes naturally. You might blame your spouse for not being there for you in the way you need them to be. As women, we lose respect for our husbands, making us feel disconnected.

Or, we read Ephesians 5:33, and we fixate on what it says about how we should be treated.

“So again I say, each man must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.” Ephesians 5:33

We think, “If he would love me then it would be easy to respect him.”(Meanwhile, he is thinking, “If she would just respect me, it would be easy to love her.”) And we spiral down and away from each other. He does something neglectful, and we pull away. We do something disrespectful, and he distances himself. This thinking fuels the downward spiral as we each wait for the other one to step up and do the right thing.

What if we could break the cycle and start the spiral upward toward being closer again?

What if you could be empowered by the Holy Spirit to live supernaturally, and when you sense a distance between yourself and your husband, instead of focusing on what he isn’t doing, you decide to look at what you could do to invest in the relationship?

Proverbs has some strong words about wives being quarrelsome or complaining. Instead here are some practical options for how to invest in an upward spiral when you sense a distance growing between you and your husband.

• Consider ways you can intentionally thank him for something specific. Write a note, send a text or email. Surprise him with gratitude.

• Do something for him that is more for him than you, like clean something or make a special meal. You know your man – what would bless him?

• Speak well of him to someone else, especially if you can do it in front of that he respects.

• Plan a special time together. It can be as extravagant as a weekend or overnight getaway or as simple as a movie night, but it says I was thinking about you and want to invest in our relationship. Get a sitter if needed. If money is tight, swap with someone else to make it happen.

Here are some excerpts from Proverbs 31 to inspire you.

“Who can find a virtuous and capable wife? She is more precious than rubies. Her husband can trust her, and she will greatly enrich his life. She brings him good, not harm, all the days of her life”  (vv. 10-12).

These verses are not conditional on whether he is being loving; they are about how to invest.

“When she speaks, her words are wise, and she gives instructions with kindness. She carefully watches everything in her household and suffers nothing from laziness. Her children stand and bless her. Her husband praises her” (vv. 26-28).

This woman is blessed and recognized because of the investments she has made.

“Charm is deceptive, and beauty does not last; but a woman who fears the Lord will be greatly praised. Reward her for all she has done. Let her deeds publicly declare her praise”  (vv. 30-31).

Ladies, it is not always easy, and it is not always deserved, but a woman who builds up her house will be rewarded by the Lord. She has the opportunity to break the downward spiral. She can be an ally to her husband. Join me in serving our husbands the best we can!