3 Powerful Ways To Develop Gentleness
“Be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to become angry.”
I don’t know anyone who regretted following these simple instructions. But I do know many people, myself included, who unintentionally followed these instructions in reverse – quick to become angry, quick to speak, and slow to listen – and have some regrets.
“Understand this, my dear brothers and sisters: You must all be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to get angry. Human anger does not produce the righteousness God desires” (James 1:19-21).
Remember, James starts his first chapter by discussing how to handle troubles that test our faith. What are the troubles that cause a person to lose their temper?
– Frustration. When individuals encounter obstacles or challenges that prevent them from accomplishing their goals, they may become frustrated because they feel out of control.
– Stress. High levels of stress can affect a person’s ability to cope with pressure causing them to be more prone to lose their temper.
– Anger triggers. Certain events or circumstances can trigger anger, like perceived disrespect, unfair treatment, personal attacks, or a sense of injustice.
– Physical discomfort. Physical discomfort caused by being tired, hungry, chronic pain, or fatigue can lower a person’s threshold for anger and amplify negative emotions.
– Learned behavior. Some people may have grown up in environments where outbursts of anger were accepted or encouraged as a way of expressing oneself, either as a coping mechanism or a means of exerting control over others.
Understanding and managing emotions healthily is crucial for maintaining positive relationships and overall well-being (learn how to transform your mind by meditating on God’s Word). Controlling your temper is not just having more willpower in the heat of a moment; it’s developing the fruit of the Spirit called gentleness.
Gentleness is not a weakness but a way to guard against an uncontrolled temper.
How can we build this into our lives?
1) Get rid of all the filth and evil in your lives.
James does not sugarcoat the importance of this step. He writes, “So get rid of all the filth and evil in your lives, and humbly accept the word God has planted in your hearts, for it has the power to save your souls” (James 1:21).
If you want to control your temper, you must remove the toxic influences in your life. You’re probably familiar with the old adage, “garbage in, garbage out.”
Just like eating too much junk food can eventually make our bodies unhealthy and sluggish and cause problems, consuming too much garbage content that opposes the truth of God’s Word can make us spiritually unhealthy, dull our conscience, and bring confusion.
Be diligent in guarding what you consume and remove the toxic influences.
2) Humbly accept the word God has planted in your hearts.
God’s Word is like a seed planted in our hearts. For a seed to grow and produce fruit, it requires good soil, sun, water, and patience. Similarly, the seed of God’s Word can be accepted or rejected.
To accept God’s Word is to act on it, not ignore it. A humble heart is like good soil that is conducive to growing spiritually mature and producing much fruit.
3) Be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to become angry.
I don’t think anyone would disagree that following this simple instruction would lead to better relationships, more understanding, and healthy communication. Just because it’s simple doesn’t mean it’s easy.
You can do this – not with more willpower and discipline, but by letting the Spirit work in your life to grow the fruit of gentleness. Discover what it means when Jesus promises us the gift of the Holy Spirit.
Gentleness is strength under control. And it is the way of Jesus.
The Gospel of Matthew records this powerful invitation Jesus gives his followers. He says, “Come to me, all of you who are weary and carry heavy burdens, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you. Let me teach you, because I am humble and gentle at heart, and you will find rest for your souls” (Matthew 11:28-29).
Jesus helps us understand who he is with several different “I am” statements. He says I am the Good Shepherd. I am the Light of the world. I am the Bread of life. And in this passage, he clearly states, “I am gentle!”
Draw near to him, learn from him, and find rest for your soul, for he is gentle.
Prompt: What is one toxic influence you need to eliminate right now? Where can you be more gentle this week?
Prayer: Ask God to help you be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to become angry.